Married couples need to strengthen the bond holding them together. It is important to be united in heart as well as in mind while living together as husband and wife. Disharmony between couples has been detected to cause untold troubles in marriage. In extreme cases, it has caused divorce. There are some behaviours that foster unity between couples. Let us read below from YourArticleLibrary to know these tips that can help strengthen the bond of marriage.
“The following points should be considered to strengthen the bond of marriage:
(1) Mutual trust: Mutual trust, honesty and commitment from the both partners are absolutely necessary for a good and happy married life. Both the partners should have mutual frankness about money matters, sex feeling and responses regarding in-laws relations misunderstanding and resentment. They must share all their joys, sorrows and problems with each other in order to promote better understanding and adjustment.
(2) Emotional quality: Both the partners should inculcate noble qualities of love, sympathy loyalty, and patience, co-operative attitude to ensure good understanding and to achieve harmony as well. Besides, physical and mental maturities are required to achieve harmony in marriage.
(3) Same mentality: Common attitudes, interest, needs and values of partners goes a long way in helping to understand each other and enable to achieve peace and harmony in marital relations.
(4) Interpersonal communication: Intimate and friendly communication between husband and wife tends to strengthen the marital relation and make it more permanent. Abrasive argument and accusation can greatly undermine communication and mutual acceptance by the partners in marriage. Every disagreement and quarrel must be handled with the right attitude to lead new joy of greater understanding and affection. Husband should not ridicule his wife in the presence of others. Each partner should be careful to show respect, courtesy and politeness to the other to make the home a heaven of joy.
There must be acceptance of other’s interest and activities in all matters and adjust accordingly to ensure the happiness of the home. Adjustment quality must be deliberately planned and cultivated by each partner for achieving harmony in marriage. To achieve harmony in marital relation, there must always exist an atmosphere of free communication and companionship between husband and wife.
(5) Submissive attitude of partner: Neither of the partners should have a dominating attitude rather there should be mutual understanding and adjustment between husband and wife. Marriage becomes a grand success, it there is mutual respect, love and understanding there will be continuous need of the spirit of give and take and understanding and compromise at every step. Thinking that they are one in mind and heart, one should not resent the other and should not develop superiority inferiority complex.
There should be no room for jealously, even if one of the partners happens to be more qualified. There must be mutual respect of each other’s individuality and qualifications to ensure peace and harmony. When husband and wife look upon each other with love, affection, trust and respect, they are able to create a charming little world of their own, in which they can find lifelong happiness.
Both the partners have to make some sacrifices for the happiness of their marriage and comfort of their family. So one has to adjust to the whims and fancies of the partner and other members in the family. A man must make effort not to judge his wife according to his masculine pattern of thinking and feeling and he must not attempt to fit her into it. On the other side a woman must make an effort not to judge her husband according to her feminine pattern of thinking and feeling and she must not attempt to put him into it.
As men differ from women in many ways that is in mental outlook in temperament and in emotion, understanding and appreciation of the physical, emotional and mental differences will be conducive to greater agreement and harmony in marriage. Before and after marriage, both man and woman must make effort to know about each other’s character.
So that it will be easy to adjust and to maintain a healthy understanding between couple. Both husband and wife should resolve their conflicts in a mature and sensible manner combined with a feeling of love and understanding. Thus understanding will come only when the marriage partners learn to identify their problems and have complete faith in themselves. Understanding coming from sensibility is also the very foundation of a successful marriage.
Gandhi has rightly pointed out that marriage is a partnership and not a hierarchical arrangement. Here he means to say that marriage is a relationship between equals. To conclude, marriage is like a bank account, the more you invest (in terms of adjustment, hard work etc.) in the initial stage, the more you can withdraw during difficult times later. It is an investment for a lifetime and a valuable asset to be taken and cultivated with a lot of care. Achieving harmony and understanding is a two way process, one must not only expect good behaviour from other partner but also one has to be a well behaved person for successful marital life.
(6) Adjustment of sex: Sex is as natural as anything else. It is unquestionably the most important adjustment in married life. Through sexual relationship and sexual intercourse in marriage, a most intimate sharing of oneself with the other is achieved. Therefore sex has been regarded as one of the most important form of communication between a man and a woman through which they express their love, affection and consideration for each other. The pattern of sexual adjustment between spouses is an important indicator of marital harmony and a lack of adjustment in sexual relationship between husband and wife indicates disharmony in marriage.
Disharmony in the sex life of a married people may be due to lack of emotional maturity and ignorance on the part of the spouses regarding physiology and sexual instincts of the two or nerve disorders of spouse. Attitudes towards sex are greatly influenced by the way men and women received sex information during childhood and adolescence. Once unfavourable attitudes are formed, it is difficult to eradicate them completely. Sexual desire develops earlier in men than in women and tends to be persistent whereas with women it is periodic and fluctuating. These variations affect sexual adjustments.
Marital sex is not just merely the performance of conjugal duties but provides mutual satisfaction and pleasure. Harmony in sexual life of the partner is the key to marital success. It does not come automatically. It can develop only out of affection for each other; it can be made more enjoyable if the principle of “give rather than take” is followed. Instead of seeking personal sexual satisfaction, each partner should endeavour first to consider the other in order that perfect mutuality shall be established.
They should be utterly frank with each other in sexual life and they should understand that adjustment between mutual moods must determine appropriate time and reasons for sexual satisfactions. Couples must be equipped with a healthy knowledge about sex and overcome any notion that “sex” is sinful or dirty. Neither should they be shy or reticent about sex.
They should trust each other and be frank with one another as it will establish a greater intimacy with the partner. The husband must learn gradually to recognize his wife’s reactions and govern his own impulses accordingly. Similarly the wife must understand her husband’s need of sexual desire and demonstrate her love and affection for sexual encouragement.
A good sexual relationship is one in which both feel free, relaxed and satisfied. It is the surest guarantee against unfaithfulness. One way to achieve sexual harmony is to appreciate the pattern’s sexual well being. Harmony in marriage can best be achieved not only by understanding the biology of sex alone but also by mutual understanding and adjustment. One thing certain however and that is that each individual has the capacity to control his sex life and regulate it according to his own desires.
(7) Adjustment of Finance: The key to success in married life lies mostly with financial adjustment. Most of the divorces and desertions are caused only due to economic factors or small income of family. Soon after marriage the couple must carefully plan the budget so as to avoiding over expenditure. Budgeting helps the couple to spend money wisely since every paisa wisely spent is a paisa saved. So both should develop the habit of saving attitude and should emphasis more on necessary expenditure than on comfort and luxuries.
The wife can use her leisure time in economic activities to supplement family income like tailoring work, knitting woolen garment embroidery work or any art and craft activities or may prepare preserved foods like jam, suash, sauce and chutney, badi and papad etc. and sells it in the community centre to supplement the family income.
She can develop kitchen gardening, poultry farm or gives tuition etc. to enhance the income of the family similarly the husband should also take an interest in teaching the children and should help wife in household activities to reduce her stress and strain.
So that the couple can get real income to some extent in term of services for family members. Apart from it a good housewife must keep a daily record of the household expenditure to make necessary adjustment in finance. Top priority should be given to the satisfaction of the urgent needs while preparing the family budget. Finally due emphasis should be given towards the making of a surplus budget.
(8) Adjustment with in-laws: The first year of a young couples married life is a year of many adjustments, where both the partners have to make necessary adjustments with their in-laws. It is a year of mutual understanding and mutual intimacy. Sweet in-laws relationship contributes to happiness in post-married life. So in-laws adjustment is important to the success of a marriage. Good relationship with in laws provides a source of emotional and social support where as conflict produces strain that often breaks the marital bond.
The newlywed bride will always try to win over the confidence and affection of her in laws. She should act on the principles such as respect, understanding, listening and emphasizing the positive qualities of her in-laws. She is supposed to sacrifice her comfort and luxuries for her in laws. She must also give importance to in-laws plans and activities to overcome their feeling that they are not indispensable.
She should eliminate stereotyped attitude from her mind that every mother-in-law is strict, harsh, cruel, wicked, sadistic, scheming and nagging type. Instead, she should work according to the advice of her mother-in-law in the field of cooking and nursing baby etc. If the young wife learns to take her mother-in-laws remarks in good spirit, half of the battle is won.
Being explosive, argumentative and defensive may not help in resolving the conflict of in-laws rather it will spoil the family peace. The young couple should possess qualities like patience, preservance and tolerance and ignore minor trivia, as well as she should not give them any opportunity to take advantage of her sensitive feelings. The daughter-in-law must see that her husband gives time to his parents, sisters and brothers.
Above all the newly married girl should make all efforts to keep the family together instead of allowing it to get fragmented so as to ensure the success of her married life. Both the partners should be physically and mentally mature and generous in their attitudes. However parental in laws should not impose their absolute authority on the youngsters nor should they interfere in their life. Rather they should assist the newlywed couple to establish their family life and help them during times of illness and other medical problems, financial problems and also in times of other need.
It has been rightly pointed out that when in laws relationship takes the form of mutual respect and friendship among a group of adults, the new relationship to newly born baby should not create tension. A pleasant relationship with-in-law takes care of the children help in time of sickness. This can be achieved through an effort to understand each other and maintaining a harmonious relationship”.
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